Archive for the ‘coercion’ Category


April 23, 2008

A blogger friend of mine wrote a post that made me stop and think. Really think. I don’t like to discuss my feelings on adoption. Many times for me I can’t define those feelings and thoughts. I usually let my friend, Joy, do it. She is so eloquent with her words. I am usually shaking my head thinking,”yea that is it right there in a nutshell.” I consider adoption as it is currently practiced a crime against children and their families. I do, however, see the need for it in our society. We do have children who are abused and need homes.

What is the definition of violence?


  • S: (n) violence, force (an act of aggression (as one against a person who resists)) “he may accomplish by craft in the long run what he cannot do by force and violence in the short one”
  • S: (n) ferocity, fierceness, furiousness, fury, vehemence, violence, wildness (the property of being wild or turbulent) “the storm’s violence”
  • S: (n) violence (a turbulent state resulting in injuries and destruction etc.)

There is no definition of emotional violence. Adoptive parents don’t see adoption as violent. To me emotional violence is the cruelty and manipulation words used against a person to get the object desired. The object of course in adoption is the child. Adoptees and their natural parents are often the target of such emotional violence.

With natural parents, its the name calling, manipulation of emotions and thought processes, and isolation from family and friends. These are just the things off the top of my head. I know with my own natural mother that she was tied to her bed, denied proper nutrition, verbal cruelty, denial of adequate pain relief. It is the denial of their parenthood because the natural parents have relinquished their rights as a citizen. They don’t stop being parents because of this. The biological connection will always be there.

I have read the Birthmother, Good Mother article out by the National Council for Adoption. They want mothers called this. Its a tactic to get women to relinquish their rights. In their Adoption Factbook III, they want the adoptive parents to call these mothers and fathers of loss biological strangers. They want to make these parents insignificant and nonessential. That is emotional cruelty at its finest.

With adoptees, we face emotional cruelty and violence. Everyone does some form of genealogy at some point or another. They are either told stories or they have read them through out family bibles and other family paperwork. Adoptees are told to suck it up. They are told to be grateful that they were not aborted or dumped. They are told to accept and move on. Society still treats adoptees who search as insane, mentally ill and angry. If an adoptee like myself speaks out against current adoption practices, we are summarily dismissed with all of these titles. Its violence at its finest on a very deep emotional level. We constantly have to fight the walking of the edge. Some are strong and can ignore it. Some give in and commit suicide. Others choose to ignore the elephant in the room.

To answer the question, yes, I do believe that adoption is a form of abusive, emotional violence. How do we change it? Tell me your answers.



April 23, 2008
LDS Family Services of Hawaii wanted and received a gag order regarding Camira Bailey. That gag order can not remove all the posts about her all over the internet. There are sneaky little tricks that people can use to access them. I know I have used them. So we can all delete all the posts but they would all still be there on the internet. You can’t delete anything on the internet. Its there forever and ever. It is against the law to hold Camira and all of the other natural parents fighting for my actions.

Of course the reason why they want this gag order is because they pulled a fast one on Camira. Accusing her of doing drugs and threatening her with Child Protective Services of Hawaii. They had her and her mother in tears before the day was out. In the mean time, her child was flown to Oregon.

The sad thing is with the gag order. She has probably lost her case. Hawaii’s law states that once the child is placed with the adoptive parents. That is it. She has to prove coercion. Natural parent coercion is damn near impossible to prove. The judge probably is thinking none of this happened to this girl and her family. The natural father is involved. LDS is powerful. They will wield their money to get the judge to see things their way. Camira and the father can fight until their blue in the face. They will have to go to the Hawaii Supreme Court in order to get the adoption order reversed. Then they will have to fight in Oregon. LDS Family Services of Hawaii will encourage the adoptive parents to continue fighting. After all its their rights that are more important than the rights of the natural parents.

It is becoming a battle for the rights of the natural parents vs. the adoptive parents. The LDS Church as we all know want to build their numbers through adoption. They don’t care how they do it as long as it gets done. Adoption is not a right. It is a priviledge. A mother does not have a fundamental right to relinquish her child. The National Council for Adoption would like it so.

So I have decided to put the names of those fighting LDS Family/Social Services and other agencies/attorneys at the bottom of every blog. I plan on using the labels for the next month. You can’t shut me down. You can’t hold Camira Bailey and her family accountable for my actions. This is my blog and it is being written out of the state of Texas. Hawaii’s law and Oregon’s law has no jurisdiction over me. I will continue to remind folks of the loss that these folks have suffered at the hands of these unscrupulous adoption agencies and attorneys

So please continue to spread the word of these parents who are still fighting for their right to parent their own children. The law was broken in all of their cases. Its time that the United States Attorney General, the FBI, Department of Energy and Commerce and the Justice Department stands up and pay attention to these folks.



March 5, 2008

Even though I wanted to leave Tammy’s post up for twenty four hours without posting another one, I can’t. Nor would she want me too. She now knows what I am battling here. She would want me to continue fighting the good fight.

Babyselling recently posted this about a young woman out of Hawaii.

Camira Baily, his mother of Hawaii wrote my family asking for help. She saw our story about my sons ongoing battle to get custody of his daughter who was surrendered by the mother for adoption despite my sons permission or wishes.

My granddaughter will be two June 15th and we’re still battling in the Utah court. The adoption has not been finalized and we’ve never seen a picture of her.

It’s been a nightmare ever since we started on this odyssey. We had no idea how (in my opinion) ruthless the Mormon church is when it comes to securing babies and making sure they can have parental rights stripped away as quickly as possible from parents who want to keep their children. I posted an article on this site which included a little of our battle.
Babyselling is our attempt to bring to light the current adoption practices in the Mormon church. This site also led to a myspace site. Camira, looking for help, found us and I want to pass her story on to you.

Her story makes me literally sick to my stomach and outraged. You read it and tell me, did the LDS Family Services kidnap her child using deception and coersion?

“Hello. My name is Camira Bailey and I was hoping you could help me.

I found out in January that I was pregnant and made the decision to give my baby up for adoption. Arrangements were made very quickly because I was already 32 weeks when I found out. Adoptive Parents were chosen and emails exchanged. Everything went by in a blur and I before I knew it, I was in labor. I gave birth on Feb. 14th, 2008, Valentine’s Day. After giving birth, I knew I couldn’t give up my baby boy, whom I named Decklan James Bailey.

My mother was with me and we decided to hold off on calling LDS Family Services, the adoption agency I had been working with. One of the nurses came in and started asking us all of these questions. My mother told her we would be keeping the baby. A few hours later, a social worker came in. She made my mother leave even though I said she could stay. Then, she announced that I had tested positive for Cocaine, Methamphetamines, and Benzodiazepines and that if I didn’t go through with the adoption, she was going to have to call CPS. All I could do was break down in tears. How could this have happened to me? I’d never done any drugs like that! I told her so and we argued a bit, but I knew it didn’t matter. Guilty people always claimed innocence and the confirmatory was going to take ages to get back.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. She said she would come back in 15 minutes for my decision. When she came back, I still couldn’t speak and the flow of tears running down my face hadn’t abated. “If you don’t say anything, I’m going to call Sally Lee. Sometimes not saying anything is a decision in itself.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. At that point, all I was thinking was ‘I can’t let that little boy get lost in the foster care system.’ In the mean time, the LDS social worker was speaking to my mother on the phone. She was adamant about my mother not choosing CPS, telling her horror stories about children never returned and assuring her that at least with adoption, she would have visitation rights.

We later learned that she couldn’t legally promise us such a thing. All of that was completely up to the adoptive parents. Coincidentally, she happened to have a mother there whose children were taken away by CPS. She was put on the phone to tell my mother her heart wrenching story. I soon managed to calm down a bit, but was still quite shook up. The LDS social worker came by and said she’d called the adoptive parents and they’d be there tomorrow afternoon. I was shell-shocked. Tomorrow? But I didn’t even want to give it away. I thought she would have asked me or at least told me before she called them. It seemed like there was nothing I could do.
The next morning, the LDS social worker came by with a notary and dumped the papers on a table beside my hospital bed and pointed at where I should sign. I could barely concentrate on my signature because it took almost everything I had not to cry on the paperwork as I looked back and forth between it and the precious little guy sleeping next to me. As soon as things were signed, they were off. Only after this whole ordeal did things seem to come to light.

The baby’s drug screen came back negative, of course. He also had no clinical presentation of withdrawal, which should have tipped someone off, especially given the type of drugs I was allegedly doing. My confirmatory test to see if I really did drugs or not came back negative also. We found out that CPS is almost always for mother child reunification and that if I’d went with them, my case would have been dismissed as soon as the tests came back and proved I was innocent. To describe what I felt when I found out I’d been deceived in such a way is quite impossible. At first I thought it was hopeless. I tried hard to accept that my baby wasn’t mine anymore. I rationalized with myself that good people had him. In the end, when I looked at him, I knew that it would be impossible to accept. I would spend the rest of my life broken and so I am fighting, but I’m not sure what else to do.

Our attorney filed a petition, but it was denied and a hearing was scheduled, but it isn’t until May. I’ve contacted the adoption agency, the adoptive parents, Kaiser Permanente, where I had the baby, the police department, Child Protective Services, the Mayor’s office, and the Governor’s office. The adoptive parents and the adoption agencies refuse to return my calls, the Governor’s office says they’ll look into it, and everyone else says they can’t get involved because it’s a civil matter.

I’m hoping that if people hear about this, someone will be able to do something to help or guide me to the proper resources because as of now, I’m completely tapped out. I don’t even want to think about how they will just be able to take him back to Oregon, like everything is okay. Like I haven’t spent all my nights awake. Like I haven’t had to force myself to eat because I have no appetite. Like this hasn’t completely ruined my whole life. Please help me. Please let the world know what’s going on. Maybe then, little Decklan can come back home.

Camira Bailey”

If you can help Camira, please contact her on her myspace page. These battles are costly. I know Camira and Cody would appreciate donations to help with the costly legal representation to secure their rights.