Archive for December, 2007

DAUGHTER OF TWO WOMEN

December 30, 2007

It is the title of another blogger. I have thought about it for a long time. Yes that is what I am. Its been over two years since I started this blog. I have made it more political than emotional. Its a way of dealing with my emotions and putting them somewhat on the shelf. Usually when Joy writes something on her blog. I get what she says. She usually does a very good job of stating how I really feel.

I have been asked by many natural mothers to post how I feel so that I can show my mother how I really feel and who I really am. I suspect that yes she does read here. For those adoptive parents that don’t get it, your child too will feel these feelings and emotions. I ask and beg that you are supportive and very caring when dealing with your child’s emotions.

When I started my search, I was really looking into the father side of things. I didn’t have a strong positive fatherly figure in my life for any length of time. As we all know, sometimes adoptive parents do get divorced. My adoptive parents divorced. When my first adoptive father divorced, he was remarried in two weeks following it. He subsequently adopted that woman’s daughter who was named Amy. I became Big Amy and she became Little Amy. That taught me at a very early age that I was replaceable. My adoptive mother years later remarried my step dad. I love him very very passionately, but he too treated me abusively. I don’t know if it is adoption related or not. He did adopt myself and two of my sisters. He took on this responsibility when he was 27 years of age. I commend him for this. He was already paying for all of our expenses when my first adoptive father did not. I was the only daughter who was allowed to choose adoption. I chose it wholeheartedly. I felt that I was not wanted by my first adoptive father and very replaceable to him. I think for a fourteen year old girl that I made the best decision possible for myself. It was not by any means a perfect decision but the best decision for me. I was loved by him and taught well by him. I know that he too would be very proud of me as is my adoptive mother.

Joy describes what we feel before we search for our parents and we research adoption as a fog. It is very much like that. I walked through my life living that fog. Never once wanting to really look at what I felt It was just too frigging scary to look into that part of my soul. In my travels and my experiences, I have learned many many things. There was no choice for the mothers of my era. If they did a legal abortion, they had to jump through some serious hoops. I have read many books on this subject. A hospital board of directors had to approve the abortion and then a woman might just be sterilized for it. A woman was also considered insane. If a woman used a back alley abortionist, she risked her own life. I have spent a great deal of time understanding my natural mother and why she refused. I have read and reread the transcripts on many many occasions. Sometimes looking for clues and sometimes just trying to understand. In it lies the keys to the inner workings of my soul and who I truly am.

My father’s side of the story makes absolute perfect sense to me. I don’t mean to sound harsh to my natural mother. My father wanted me. He went as far as contacting the agency months after I was born on the day that my eldest daughter was born thirty one years later. He told his wife of his affair and my subsequent result. Being they only had one child and his wife wanting more, they wanted me. My natural mother chose this maternity home, Suemma Coleman Home for Unwed Mothers. This home didn’t specialize in this type of adoption. I am pretty sure this kind of adoption was unheard of in those days. Not too many fathers wanted their illegitimate child. That in itself is a clue. It makes me wonder if he was hispanic or Native American. I am leaning more towards Native American. My daughters are both blonds where I am a brunette. I believe that since his wife thought that she would not get me, she would not pay or allow my natural father to pay for any expenses. From what those transcripts said, this upset and hurt my natural mother greatly. She made some decisions at that time that hurt all of us.

I spent the first year or so being very angry with my natural mother. My adoptive mother demanded compassion on this issue. It took me months to even allow her to read the transcripts. My adoptive mother doesn’t come to the blog that often. I know that she has read it a few times. What she has read and been read, she is very proud of me on it.

You know how you hear from prospective adoptive parents how God intervenes on their behalf? Well God has been pushing for adoption reform through me. When I was about 13, God began pushing. We had a family friend’s daughter get pregnant. I got the talks. Both of them at the same time. I was playing cards with my sisters. I sat there stunned. My adoptive mother is a big one on honesty. That is one thing that she has blasted into my brain. She believes in taking ownership in one’s actions. She told me then when it comes time for me wanting to search, she would back me 100%. For me, my life was too busy to even think about searching. I was eighteen and in love with my first love, Danny. How my mother survived that is beyond me. I asked her about that while I was down there in San Marcos. She said that she thought he was a gentleman. My happy ass was he a gentleman. He wasn’t a dog but he was horny and trying his damnedest. I don’t know how I resisted. It was this relationship that taught me about my natural mother. I really think my natural father was probably the first kind man she met in her life. I think she fell hopelessly in love. When he told his wife of his actions with my natural mother, it hurt her immensely. I can see her crying hopelessly. I feel her pain. I have wept for her.

Years later, I dated another adoptee, Victor. When we broke up, I told him about me. He was in reunion. I also met my first natural mother, Fonda. She was a gal that I went to high school with. She must have been one of the few women of that time frame that had an open adoption. I think it would have been considered semi closed in this day. I often wonder about her and if I have encountered in blog and internet land. It was during this time that I heard Michelle Wright’s song, He Would Be Sixteen. It had me in tears. These were the first two people that I actually spoke adoption with.

In the time that I was in the military, I met my husband and subsequently another adoptee. He and I talked about adoption as well. Monte will always be the one that opened the door for me. He told me how to handle my reunion if I ever dared to enter that realm of adoption. His wife and I had a falling out two years ago. She was willing to force her daughter to place. I think by reading this blog she didn’t pursue it any further. I hope her daughter kept with every fiber in my being. I loved her daughter as I do my own. I don’t want her hurting for the rest of her life just like my natural mother did.

When I had my first daughter, I had a series of events. I started out seeing Dr. Galindo but switched to Dr. Cadena in my last month. I learned two weeks after the birth of my daughter that he was a black market baby dealer and a drug addict. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of what might have happened. I also met my first BSE mother. She was the City Treasurer. She was absolutely not the crackwhore that the adoption industry likes to put out about natural mothers. She was a successful strong woman. Her name was Sandy. For a moment in time, I was her child and she was my natural mother. She held my daughter as if this was her grandchild. Somehow adoption came up. I mentioned that I was an adoptee. She bravely told me that she was a natural mother. She also told me that she didn’t have the right to search. If I knew then what I know now, I would have promptly told her no. You have every right to search. You have the right to know your child. I wish now that I could find her. I don’t remember her last name. She is no longer the City Treasurer of that city. I would have gone to hell and back for her in finding her child for her. Sandy was truly a strong and beautiful woman to own up to her experience in adoption. I pray everyday that she is finally in reunion.

The rest of time that followed after that, my adoptive mother began applying pressure for me to find. It was my step father’s death that brought it on full force. My adoptive mother wanted us to be young enough to appreciate each other. Thus began this journey. I resigned from the United States Post Office. I got my money from my retirement. I spent some of it on this computer. I also spent $325.00 to have the agency contact my natural mother.

To my natural mother, I apologize for using the agency. I can only imagine what they told you. I know how they treated you back then. I have spoken with two mothers from Coleman who were in that same time frame. I have spoken with other mothers who were in maternity homes in that time frame as well. I have a true support system for both of us. It is made up of both adoptees and natural parents. I have even adoptive parents who truly get your position. I have the adoptive mother that you wanted for me. She does want you in our lives along with your sons and husband.

I think this adoption stuff even has affected my own adoptive mother. I hope and pray that this didn’t affect her health. After she was in a regular room, she started crying. She said that she loved my daughters so much but she was devastated that these daughters are not her granddaughters. No I told her. You are just as much a grandmother to my daughters as my natural mother is. I don’t want her thinking that she is less than my natural mother. They are both equal. I wish that they both could see that a child can love many parents and grandparents. I think my adoptive mother does see that but I do wish that my natural mother would realize this as well. I am truly the daughter of two women.

For me, I need to heal from adoption. I do want resolution not just for me but for both of my mothers. Soon the records will be open in all states. I don’t want to have to explain to my brothers that I exist I am pretty sure my older sister already knows but has no idea how to search or if she wants to search. I am sure that the affair caused a big rift in my father’s marriage. I wish that my natural mother would also realize that there are many ways to communicate.

To her, I say that I am here. I say that I fight for you and me. I fight for our right to figure this situation on our own without governmental and agency interference.

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I’M BACK

December 28, 2007

This last week has been a wild ride. Seeing my mother on a respirator was not a trip that I ever wanted to revisit. My father was on a respirator and it brought back some really hard core memories. Just like it took me a moment to go in and see him. It was the same for my mother. My mother is fine. Some adjustments to her diet and lifestyle will need to be made. She realizes this. She is doing fine. Of which, I am extremely grateful. I am just not ready to be an orphan again. This would make it a third time in my life.

My youngest sister, K, really gets me. She sent me a box of yarn and knitting needles. I was thrilled with the gift. Its gonna take me a while to learn knitting. I usually do crochet and swedish weaving. I am looking forward to learning a new skill.

I know many adoptive parents who are not as enlightened as my mother think I probably hate all adoptive parents. I don’t. I most definitely don’t hate my own adoptive mother. I love her more than anything. If anything, she should be the example they should follow. My mother encouraged my differences. She encouraged me to search and find. If anything, it has taught me to love her more. It has also taught me to protect my daughters, my nieces and nephews from the greedy grasp of adoption agencies. She is just as much a mother to me as my natural mother. If a parent can have more than one child, then an adoptee can do the same with his/her parents, all of them.

LIFE IS ALWAYS CHANGING

December 21, 2007

I am going to be away from my computer for a few days. I had a serious of heart breaking calls yesterday. My mother went to the hospital yesterday complaining of chest pains and numbness in her left arm. She got to the hospital and suddenly couldn’t breath. They were trying to give her asthma medications. She was very upset and fighting them. They finally told her to either calm down and let the medication work or they would sedate her. She said do what you have to. They sedated her and intubated her. She is now in ICU. We have since discovered that she had both a severe asthma attack and heart attack. No one knows which was first. She will be sedated all day long today. There was talk of removing the tube today but things haven’t moved that fast. It looks like it will be for the rest of today and tomorrow it will be removed.

I will be gone for a week or so. I will know more and will update folks on both Soul of Adoption and Adult Adoptees later today. I will be traveling down to the Austin area later today. Say a prayer for my adoptive mom. God knows how much I love her.

WHY ARE YOU SO ENTITLED?

December 18, 2007

This is to the adopters that have children of parents who are fighting back. I am sickened and mortified at those who hang onto other’s children. You know the difference with my adoptive parents is that my parents didn’t know. But you know that that these natural parents are fighting and you still continue.

The commenter below very honestly is the kidnappers of Stephanie Bennett’s child. They very honestly didn’t read my blog in its entirety where as Kari did. I have to give her that much. If she considers adoption now, she will God willing consider it ethically and morally. She will be a little more aware that adoption hurts not just natural parents but adoptees. She will more likely to investigate. The anonymous poster will sit idly by gloating in her/her hidden position in Virinia/Ohio. She presumed that I was a natural mother. I am not. I am their adoptee at 42 years of age. I am the one person who has found out that her father wanted to her. I am the person who found out that her natural mother was treated deplorably by the adoption agency. I can tell you that it sets me in a rage. I am absolutely furious at what Suemma Coleman Home for Unwed mothers has done to my natural mother. She was shamed, humilated, starved, wounded and betrayed by an industry that profits of her and the millions of others.

I for one will no longer take it. I will be screaming at the top of my lungs at the injustice that was done not just to adoptees but to their natural parents.

AN ANONYMOUS COMMENTER

December 17, 2007

I just love those. I double checked your IP. I know who you are. HEHEHE. Do you think that you can frighten me? Folks this is the comment left on the American Center of Choice post.

Amy, Amy, Amy….you will be out there guiding them all back to their families. Some of the adoptees may applaud you for dong that…but others may hate you forever for “helping” them to find the “families” that they were born to that not only did not want them or only wanted them back so that they could keep control of what was theirs. Their property…their child or grandchild to abuse and to neglect…just because they couldn’t deal with the fact that “their” child would have a much better life with families that loved them for who they are. Families who chose to love them because they wanted to love them..not because they had to love them or had to take care of them because of whom they were born to. Think carefully of how many lives you are willing to screw up just to get revenge for something you did to yourself, at one time.

Do you think that I am a mother of loss? Oh Lord, no I am not one. I would never do to a man what you have done to Cody, Joshua, Shawn, or Bryn. I am your baby fourty two years down the road. Angry and highly pissed off because I was denied my heritage and my parents. You see my natural father wanted me too. You see father’s rights are a pet peeve of mine. If you wanted to keep it so honest, why did you jump states? Why did you choose an unscrupulous agency? Shame Shame Shame. I know the truth in this situation. I will help these young men until my dying breath. Then I will fight from up in Heaven. My Lord God put me on this earth to fight the unethical practices of adoption. Now this comment is forever set in stone. Maybe the judge in this young men’s cases will see this comment. Maybe he will look into the links. I have done it before and I can do it again. Don’t come knocking on my door. I tend to get rabid and bite.

ANOTHER LETTER TO THE INDY STAR

December 16, 2007

I read this story in the Indianapolis Star. Another woman kills her adopted child. The child is from China. Okay who the hell is approving these homestudies? Which agency is ultimately responsible?

Here is the full story since the Indy Star only leaves it up for a week.

SHERIDAN, Ind. — Rebecca Kyrie always dreamed of adopting a child. Six months after her dream came true, she is accused of killing the Korean baby in a fit of rage.Rebecca R. Kyrie, 28, Sheridan, was being held without bond Friday in the Hamilton County Jail. – Provided by Hamilton County Sheriff’s DepartmentFriday, the 28-year-old Sheridan woman appeared in Hamilton Superior Court in Noblesville to face charges of murder, battery resulting in death, neglect of a dependent resulting in death and aggravated battery.The charges stem from the Sept. 4 death of Hei Min Chung, a 13-month-old girl being adopted by Kyrie and her husband, David.Medical and police authorities claim Kyrie shook the girl so violently that the baby suffered fatal brain injuries.Kyrie was arrested Thursday and is being held without bond in the Hamilton County Jail in Noblesville.The arrest followed a three-month investigation by the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Department. It stunned those who know Kyrie, a regular churchgoer who performed dance interpretations of Bible stories at Church of Praise in Eagletown.“I’m just flabbergasted by this all,” said Phyllis Baird, a Sheridan neighbor who recalls how the couple put up a fence when they adopted the girl, whom they had named Chaeli, so she could play in the yard. “I’m sure she didn’t go up and say, ‘I’m going to shake you and kill you.’.”Hei Min Chung, 13 months, died Sept. 4. Police said the girl had been shaken so violently that she suffered fatal brain injuries. (Provided by Hamilton County Sheriff’s Department)Suspect’s mental conditionSheriff’s spokesman Maj. Mark Bowen said Friday that Kyrie offered no explanation for her baby’s condition when she called 911 on Sept. 3 and reported the child was frothing at the mouth.Later, however, she referred to personal problems, according to evidence filed in court.According to the sworn statement by sheriff’s Detective Scott McKinney, Kyrie claimed her child’s doctor “had prescribed Xanax and Lexapro for Mrs. Kyrie for some depression issues that she has had in the past that she was afraid might resurface.”Although Kyrie never acknowledged shaking the child, McKinney said that during a Sept. 4 interview with one of her biological sons, the little boy said “his mommy told him not to tell what happened to Sissy, which is the name he used for Chaeli.”David Kyrie was not implicated in the girl’s death. An employee of an Indianapolis hospital, he was at work when officials believe the injuries were inflicted.“They’d had the child for approximately four months,” Bowen said of the couple, who’d been working with Bethany Christian Services to adopt a child from Korea.“The mother had been caring for the child in the home and had contacted 911 because the child was reportedly having difficulty breathing and was frothing at the mouth.”Baby hospitalizedAfter the baby was taken by ambulance to Riverview Hospital in Noblesville and then moved to St. Vincent Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis, she was diagnosed with a severe brain injury and placed on life support.Chaeli died after she was removed from life support the next day. The recently obtained results of an autopsy show she died from “blunt cranio-cerebral injuries” associated with shaken baby syndrome.The death was ruled a homicide, and on Thursday, sheriff’s investigators obtained a warrant for Kyrie’s arrest.Kyrie has declined media requests for an interview, according to jail officials. Bowen said she has not admitted to shaking the baby, and he said her husband claimed no knowledge of any prior abuse.“It appears to be an isolated incident,” Bowen said.Doctor details injuriesDr. Rick Metz, a pediatric physician at St. Vincent Hospital, determined that Chaeli’s brain was bleeding in the front and back of her head and that she was brain dead, according to Detective McKinney.“Dr. Metz advised that this is a possible case of abusive head trauma, and when asked when the onset of symptoms would occur, Dr. Metz advised that they would occur within minutes to one hour of the abuse,” the detective reported.David Kyrie told investigators that when he telephoned his wife about 5 p.m. Sept. 3, she said Chaeli had been fussy. David Kyrie told detectives that “Chaeli is stubborn and it was hard to get her to do anything.” Sometime after the Kyries talked, the Riverview Hospital chaplain called to tell David Kyrie that Chaeli was being taken to St. Vincent and he should go there, David Kyrie told McKinney.David Kyrie told McKinney that the baby “vomited a lot” after coming here from Korea. Kyrie said she was later diagnosed with nodular gastritis and was on medication. He also said he and his wife had called 911 in July when the child suffered a seizure.State’s DCS notifiedThe Indiana Department of Child Services was notified Sept. 4, and the Kyries were not allowed to have contact with their sons. They moved to a home in Fishers, and the 3-year-old and 5-year-old sons were cared for in the Sheridan home by another family member and friend, Bowen said.At Bethany Christian Services in Indianapolis, part of a Grand Rapids, Mich.-based not-for-profit adoption service with offices in 30 states, branch director Linda Wrestler said confidentiality prevents her from discussing specific cases.She said, however, that every client or couple seeking to adopt faces rigorous scrutiny.The case studies include parents’ written autobiographies, criminal and social services checks, verification of employment and finances, birth certificates, health records and personal references.In conjunction with the background checks, an agency social worker meets several times with the family, including at least once in their home.“We talk about their marriage, their lifestyle, what their child-rearing patterns are, their home and community,” Wrestler said.“One of the big things we’d cover would be the family’s motivation for wanting to adopt.”As her child lay brain dead at St. Vincent — with just a couple of months to go before the adoption agency’s required term of observation would end and the adoption would be finalized — Kyrie shed some light on the question.In a brief reference to her interview with a child protection case manager on Sept. 4, Detective McKinney said, “Mrs. Kyrie advised that it has always been a dream or goal of hers to adopt a child.”Star reporter Chris Sikich contributed to this story.

Call Star reporter James A. Gillaspy at (317) 444-5529.

My Letter to the Indy Star

I write you again about another baby in Indiana. How many adoptees have to suffer? Melanie Addington from Iowa adopted a baby boy from Indiana. She caused permanent brain damage by shaking the boy and slamming him into a wall. Now you have another story where an adoptive mother adopted a baby girl from Korea. She does the same thing but she ends up killing the baby. Was this the same agency? Was this the same social worker that approved this?

Brynden Ayre, a father from the Indianapolis area, is currently fighting for the right to raise his baby girl. The mother jumped two states and then ended up in Utah. He registered in Indiana and Texas. The agency was American Center of Choice. This young man along with Cody O’Dea and Joshua Simmerson are fighting this same agency.This agency was BANNED from Illinois because of this very thing. The Illinois Governor and the State Attorney General both stopped this agency. Why can’t Indiana do the same thing?

These are the very reason why adoption records should be opened to the very folks living adoption. Adoption agencies are getting away with MURDER. No one will stand up for adoptees, natural parents, or adoptive parents (who do it right). No one protects us living adoption. The state of Indiana is violating the privacy rights of those living adoption. The state of Indiana is violating our fourth amendment rights. They are intruding into our right to privacy by interferring into our lives. They are holding our papers in seizure on the presumpton of harm.

When is Indiana going to step up and start protecting us?

SincerelyAmy K. Burt
Formerly of Indianapolis and Marion Indiana

Now whether or not they publish it is another story. They don’t like to print my letters to the editor. I can get published every where else but in my birth state.

AMERICAN CENTER FOR CHOICE

December 13, 2007

You may scare some of them but you don’t scare me. You like lying to the fathers don’t you?
You have Cody O’Dea that did register on the Wyoming Putative Father Registry and you still deny him his child. Then you say something completely to Joshua Simmerson.
This will stay forever upon my blog. You will NEVER get me to take this down. Those children will know that their fathers wanted them.
As my friend, Ungrateful Little Bastard, has said to the adoptive parents of Evelyn Bennett, I repeat here:
And the people holding any other child where there is a contested adoptionAnd the people who post pictures and videos of their crying adoptees sans clothing on Youtube and online photo albumsAnd the people who send their agents out “scouring” for another baby girl when a referral failsAnd the people who are happy that their children were “abandoned” so they don’t have to deal with any “baby-mama-drama” from “Mommy Dearest” (who, by the way, moron, was an adoptive mother)Allow me to present:The Internet is a magical place where you can find whatever it is you’re looking for. And no one knows how to use the internet better than teenagers. Teenagers loooooooove the internet. And one day, those children you kept from their parents and grandparents, or posted embarrassing pictures of, or second-choice-adopted via ‘scouring’ because your previous heart grown child was ‘snatched’ away from you before she was even in your house, will do what teenagers looooooooove to doYes, ego surfing, that fun pastime where you google your own name to see what tidbits are out there about you. Teenagers ego surf themselves. And what exactly will your kids find when they do?Happy trails to you.Of course, when your gift blows up at you over it, you can always blame it on bad genes after you take them to see a priest and pray about their bad behavior. It’s a great adopto fallback position.Oh sure you can delete your blog or forum posts, you can pull your pictures, but there’s this great thing called archive.org that’s keeping a copy of it for you nice and safe, just in case you deleted it by accident.But what if you never posted anything? Don’t fear! The chosen child will have plenty of other places to read about you or themselves online.And the fun thing is, that’s just what’s available now. Just think of what will be available via the Google cache or archive.org of the future. There are a few limitations to web archiving right now. But thankfully there are people much smarter than me working ways around them.The internet is just another tool that keeps adoption truly the gift that keeps on giving.I’m so angry. The abuses never stop.And I’m sick, I’m soul sick. I had always had a sickening suspicion that Stephanie Bennett had been sexually abused. And god, sometimes I so hate to be right. It’s just abuse after abuse for Stephanie. God, she’s in the same grade as my youngest stepdaughter. I’m pretty sure I’m the age as Stephanie’s mom. This could happen to any of our families.Like Rashad’s.Or Jonelle’s.Or Tamia’sOr Cody’s.Or Allison’s.Or Adam’s.Who will be the next news story? Because you know there will be one. As long as there is arrogance and entitlement, as long as young mothers are treated as disposable breeders, as long as the emotional health of children is secondary to the profits made from selling babies, keep a blog post reserved for the next blitz, for the next Stephanie. Because you know it’s coming.But at least these kids will have someone my generation never did. They’ll have the internet standing as permanent witness to the abuses inflicted upon their parents by the agencies who profited off them and the people who kept them. They’ll have the truth.You know what though, because yet again another adoptee will be hurt, because yet again another adoptee will feel betrayed by the parents who raised them, nothing in me is happy at that.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I will one of them guiding them to their families.

WHAT ARE WE DOING SERIOUSLY WTF?????

December 13, 2007

The State Department has announced that the United States now has ratified the Hague Convention. The NCFA is still bemoaning adoptees getting their original birth certificates. Any person who has actually done their research into adoption knows that this group is not a reliable source for information. Sadly though the general public still believes the hype.

The natural mother’s right to privacy is often the reason that these folks claim. Why is it then that the adoption is sealed upon finalization and not at relinquishment? Shouldn’t it be at relinquishment? In fact, there has never been a document proving this privacy EVER in two court cases that went up against these laws.

The right to privacy is the right to be free from governmental intrusion. This has been illustrated in the Roe vs. Wade case. The government has no business governing our personal lives, relationships, and such. It was the same battle over birth control.

Another argument against allowing adoptees access to their own birth certificates is familial privacy. Abortion, parenting, and contraception do fall under familial privacy. Once a natural parent consider adoption and follow through with it, they are severing their right to familial privacy. I don’t think a natural parent should go the rest of their lives never knowing their children. That is just inhumane.

Current adoption laws are set up to protect the adoptive parents but even more so the adoption agencies. There is documented cases in many states and countries where black market babies were bought and sold to the highest bidder. There is of course the Orphan Trains of yesteryear. Just look at Georgia Tann. Just look at the Hightower babes, the Cole babes, the Lydia Shapiro babes and countless of others. Right after the delivery of my oldest daughter, my former OB/GYN, Dr. Galindo, was found guilty of selling black market babies. Talk about having adoption thrown in my face. I met a natural mother who was the former tax assessor and knowing what my former doctor was all within a month’s time. I tell ya ~ God has been pushing me for a long long time to get me to become an activist. Sorry Lord it took me so long but I get it loud and clear now.

As I normally do, I watch the news for adoption stories. This one came upon my google alert. Another father fighting for his right to raise his own son. I first read the story when the adoptive parents were begging for financial help from the public. It aggravates me to no end that this still continues to this day. I can almost guarantee what happened. Its another LDS social services story. From what I understand, I am on their radar too at least here in Texas for Shawn McDonald’s story. LDS social services probably told the mother to not allow the father to help her. They probably also shipped her to Utah where they could circumvent his rights. He could file on the Idaho putative father registry but he would have to find the mother in order to register on the Utah registry. This is becoming a real pattern for these agencies. Its not just LDS social services. It happened in Rashad Head’s case as well. Patricia Stowbridge was ready to charge him with rape.

Cody O’Dea registered on the Wyoming putative father registry as did Joshua Simmerson, Shawn Mcdonald, and Brynden Ayre. Does society not care anymore? It just frustrates me. These agencies are violating rights of parents left and right and no one cares. No one stands up and fights back. Are we trying to go back to the baby scoop era?

TRUTH AND JUSTICE IN ADOPTION

December 12, 2007

This is about myself and two very dear friends of mine. These two friends have been dealing with some very rough issues. S is someone that I have known and loved since the first time she and I talked on the phone nearly four years ago. Her daughter and mine are best buds. I admit that even I need my dose of S. She rejuvenates my soul. She is the most vibrant redhead that I have ever known. God knows I have a thing for red heads.

S’s story is one of the most horrifying. She is a foster adoptee. Her mother was the one who physically abused her. It was done in a time where society did not believe a woman was capable of doing so. Her mother burned over half of her body. Her mother also gave her a box of live scorpions. In the last couple of years her mother has tried three times to make contact with her. S doesn’t even know her full name. She really doesn’t even care to. She wants the woman out of her life.

Because of all the mess, S has been suffering serious medical issues. Issues that usually affect an elderly person. She is now needing medical information. She is also wanting her birth certificate mess to be cleared up. She has two birth certificates. Both have the same day but different years. Because there is three different names that were used, She can’t get the accurate information from the states involved in her case. One agency involved can’t be trusted because they were shut down due to lying on official documents. She can’t even get those records now because of that issue. She knows that there were serious drugs used on her during foster care. She doesn’t know what they are. Recently this woman made an appearance on her doorstep. She didn’t react because of her own children and dig this her mother’s newly adopted son. She basically accused my buddy of being angry and bitter. Uhmmm Excuse me? No she has every right to be angry with her. She doesn’t want a relationship at all with this woman. She called me because my mother refused contact with me. She honestly thought it was same kind of situation. Infant adoption is a different animal than foster care adoption. I honestly believe it has more to do with the agency involved in my case than just contact with me. Another story for another day. This is about my friends. I told my friend this. I believe it with all my heart. I believe that adoptees should have control but we adoptees should also be aware enough and not abuse that control. I mention this. I feel this way because adoptees were not given choice nor control over our situation. I also mention that she meet with her mother in a neutral environment. After posting this on a forum, I was awakened to another issue. By suggesting this, I am asking my friend to go back in to a hostile situation where this woman abused her. I wouldn’t ask an abused woman to do this with her boyfriend or husband. True I would not. These folks recommended that I tell my friend to get a protective order. Well I agree but I also know my friend wants accurate information. Truthfully we both doubt that she will get the information. She is going to have her brother intervene on her behalf and see what happens.

Another friend of mine wrote a letter discussing her feelings with her mother. She sent the letter, the form for her to get her OBC, and a check via certified mail. Her mother sent every thing back with void written on the check. What boggles my mind is that this woman and the state have denied my friend the right to have her own papers. She already knows her identity. So her privacy is not an issue. My friend wants the document that accurately records her birth. It is not up to her mother to withhold it from her.

I know adoptees who want access to that document that don’t have a desire to search. I have one on this ranch. It is a document that accurately records our birth. In this day and age, we need that information. There are already cases of adoptees being sent back to their country of origin because the adoption was never finalized nor was it filed through proper channels. These are adoptees that have been raised in this country. They don’t know anything else, anyone else, nor anywhere else. Because of the unethical issues of this alone, it further antagonizes adoptees. It makes them children of no man’s land.

I have said it before. I don’t know what I would do if I would make contact with my natural mother. The question will always be at the back of my mind. Do I really want to go through rejection again? I am not sure that I could be as strong as my friends.

When adoptee rights are treated as rights to reunion or medical history, we are always going to lose. It is time for society as a whole to give us back our rights to the very documents that accurately record our birth. I want the answers to the questions of my first eight weeks of life. My own adoptive mother is wanting those answers as well. She wants the documents that she signed to adopt me.

STEPHANIE AND EVELYN BENNETT

December 6, 2007

Please anyone who has a blog. Please post this on your blogs. If we do it again, maybe just maybe the judges in Ohio will do something about it.

Do you remember this case? It involved a seventeen year old girl, Stephanie Bennett. She was molested by a family friend. She got pregnant as a result. She had a daughter named Evelyn. She went to her high school counselor’s office to get advice on a schedule change. She ended up discussing adoption with him. He presents her with an adoption agency pamphlit. The next day an adoption recruiter was at his office. This recruiter advised this girl to run away from home. This young girl was terrified. The father in her case had been threatening her, Evelyn, and her family. He had threatened to kill them all. They suggested that she tell the court that she was being abused by her parents. The agency is A Child’s Hope. They are known for causing adoption disruptions. These folks are in it for the money. They don’t care about adoptees, natural parents, or adoptive parents. Yes even adoptive parents have filed complaints against this agency. This agency was under investigation. At this time there is no word on that. There was rumors that this agency was going to be shut down. There was rumors that people were going to jail. Nothing has happened. There is talk of adoption agencies being forced to tighten up their homestudies.

Stephanie’s family went to court on December 4, 2007. The judges in this court appearance blasted the adoption agency and their attorneys. A decision could take 60-90 days. Stephanie has yet to have her day in court. The court system has yet to decide which court will hear her case. As time ticks further along, the harder it becomes to get her daughter back.

You can reference these blogs as points of contact

http://www.amyadoptee.blogspot.com
http://www.musing-mother.blogspot.com
http://www.musingsofthelame.blogspot.com

I also know several adoptive parents who have written on her behalf as well.