WHO IS MORE WORTHY?

This has been swirling in my mind. I have even asked my husband questions on how he views his own sexuality and the resulting body functions. Our society has mixed views on sexuality. Its contradictory in its treatment of men and women. To fully understand adoption, one does have to look at human sexuality. We live in a patriarchy. It stems from the Bible. Because of abortion, we have had to look at when conception begins thus finding out when humanity begins. After reading the Georgia Tann biography, our society has long treated children as property. The children in her home as well as many others were treated horribly. Just look at the Orphan Trains in those times. Children were taken in homes to work hard labor.

Because I live on a huge ranch in Texas and I have spent my last eleven years on a ranch, I watched animal life. From horses, cattle, goats, sheep, cats and dogs, I have watched it all. This includes deer, hogs, javelina, and other forms of wild life. I hear stories of my husband in his prowling adventures on horseback. Just down the hill from us, he came across a bobcat and her kitten. She was teaching her kitten how to defend himself against wildlife. I have watched a mother badger cross the road with her babies. They were nearly as big as her. We stopped our old Ford truck to watch them do this. Only in humanity do we take babies from their mothers at birth.

When we moved in this house nearly three years ago, we brought our dogs over first to get them acclimated to their new environment. We knew there was a few cats still here. Feral of course. What we didn’t know is that a mama cat had her kittens under the house. The mama cat was a very beautiful long haired black cat. She was impossible to catch. Later we heard mewing under the house. My oldest daughter, brave even then, was the only one who could reach her babies. Mama cat didn’t feel safe coming into the yard let alone coming up to us. She vanished shortly after we brought the kittens into our home. We nursed her babies until they were fit enough to go outside on their own.

The only time anyone gets a calf on the ranch is only when the mother has died or had to be put down. My husband let a blind cow hang around her calf until the calf was old enough to fend for itself. Its just something that you don’t mess with. All the mares on this ranch are artificially bred from what I hear. We are not allowed onto that part of the ranch because its considered proprietary information. I see the mares raising their colts and fillies out in a pasture on their own. They birth them on their own in a pasture on their own. These colts and fillies are not taken off their mamas until they are 9 months old. Its awesome to watch these relationships form and grow.

I try to relate these natural views to my own life. Granted daily I am reminded that I don’t know my heritage, the life I lead though does bring me down to nature. The world I live in respects nature in its total awesome and sometimes cruel beauty.

Then I come back to humanity and its cruelty towards itself. Sometimes its very hard for me to reconcile that we are human beings doing this kind of harm to other human beings. I have long asked my husband and my male friends why is it that semen is less than a woman’s ovum. Women through biblical times until now are expected to live up to excruciating standards. Men on the other hand are allowed to live freely without condemnation and humiliation. They are not held to the same accountability as women. When they do live up to that like in Cody O’Dea, Rashad Head, Brynden Ayre, and Joseph Simmerson, their rights are violated. Then other men leave their girlfriends and wives behind when they get pregnant. They want to enjoy the rights and priviledges but want none of the responsibility of being a true man. I have been truly blessed with many of the men in my life. They have all owned up to their responsibility.

When women as a whole get sick of it all, they take matters into their own hands. They use IVF. Before I met my husband, I thought of this myself. So I can’t condemn a woman for going this route. Yes we have more fun doing it the old fashion way but what happens when men don’t want a committment and run at the earliest sign of it. Men aren’t the only ones that do this though either. Just look at the previously mentioned cases to see proof of that.

Rape cases are another thing that comes to mind when deciding who is more worthy. You have two women, one dressed sexy and the other dressed classy. Both get raped. Who is more worthy? Who is more believable? Was there any violence involved? Is the woman dressed classy more believable? What about the woman who was dressed sexy? Did she ask for it? What if the woman who was dressed classy had a reputation? Is it rape if one of the women were so drunk or high that they passed out? Are either one of these women more worthy and why do you think that?

Are women even allowed to enjoy sex even in this day? How can a mother adequately teach her daughters about their own bodies without filling them with some shame? Why aren’t sons being taught these same things? Why is it a battle?

After reading most of Rickie Solinger’s book, Wake Up Little Suzie, white women were considered mentally ill up until the seventies for being pregnant. They were often characterized as willing themselves pregnant. Even it is not said in the book, these women were considered breeders thanks to likes of Georgia Tann. Even the author of her recent biography touches on this. Being poor was also a sin. African American women were verbally and vocally called breeders. In those days, there were calls for sterilization of these women. Interestingly enough, African American women were also very in touch with their families. Many a grandmother were often overheard as saying that was my grandbaby. That baby belongs in our family. I have read in even recent studies that maybe ethnic groups should be taught more about contraception and even abortion. Adoption is still predominately a white phenomen. Its been suggested that women be forced to bring their children into this world even if they had no choice in the act that created it>

In the adoption industry itself, they are fighting for what they believe to be a fundamental right to adopt children. It makes me wonder now if the right to adopt is more powerful right than the right to parent one’s children. I wonder if we are setting ourselves up for failure. Is the right to adopt going to become more powerful than a woman’s right to her own reproductive choices? I have heard repetitively from prospective adoptive parents and adoptive parents that if women would only consider adoption. With mental health initiatives taking many forms, are we as a society going to decide who can be mothers and who can’t? With the industry feeding negative views of single mothers into our leaders’ brains, are we really a society of family preservation? Are we really interested in families period? If our societal leaders decide a woman can’t parent her own child, will they force her into a court ordered protective custody thus taking her child from her at birth? What about fathers’ rights here? Because the couple had consensual sex before marriage, will this be mental health issue and will both parties be forced to put their children up for adoption? Forgoing any permission or consent from her and him all together? Does adoption make female adoptees more likely suspects in the eyes of our societal leaders? What about male adoptees? Even American soldiers are now being targeted. Yes adoption concerns me. Yes I feel it should be on the fore front of the national womens’ organizations. When did America become so entitled to even others’ children? I thought it might be just adoptive parents but it is the industry itself that is creating hardships on American women and children by pushing their agenda onto women, men and children through our own state legislatures. They also suck in the pro-life movements. They also force pro-choice movements into defining even further thus cutting their own ropes short and tight. Adoption is very much a women’s issue. If adoption is so great, really what child are you willing to give up? Bet you aren’t so keen on it now.

I have also come across another situation. I find that this hostile environment scary for my own natural mother to come out in. I don’t want her hurt anymore. She has enough to face with me. Even though many feel that I am due an apology, I don’t want one. Because I do truly understand what happened with her. I don’t want her to die without telling her sons, my brothers, the truth. They deserve to hear it from her with me standing beside her backing her up. I believe that my natural mother was truly in love. I believe that my own natural father did what he felt was best for all involved. He stood up when many men from that era ran. I could never condemn either parent. I can’t even condemn my own adoptive mother. She did her best with me. She never once lied to me about my truth. She too stands beside me in this fight. She too wishes for mothers to keep their children. She knows all too well how close we all are as mothers to losing our children at times in life. She believes in my fight even though she sometimes wishes that she too could go back into the fog. Alas we can’t can we?

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