SUPPORTING THE TRIAD

As I mentioned in my last posting, I met a new friend on the internet who was an adoptive mother. I introduced her to many more people who held her same views. She searched for her children’s birthparents. That in itself takes a great deal of strength for an adoptee or birth parent. I believe it takes even more strength as an adoptive mother. I commend her on what she has done.

As a group of people we need to support each other in the fight for open adoption records. We can’t be splintered at all. United we stand and divided we fall. I believe in that expression with my whole being. I have been a soldier, a proud union member, and a family member. That saying applies to all aspects of my life.

If I could say one thing to the pro-lifers, it would be this. I am not just that forgotten adopted child. I am an adult now with a life of her own which includes work, family, friends, God, pets, and interests. I am not a child that needs protection any longer. I seek the truth of my life. I am not a holy child. I am a human child that is all grown up. My records do not affect any abortions or adoptions out there. My birthmother is an older woman with a life of her own. Although at this time she isn’t ready for me to be in her life, her ability to bear another child is done. Most women like knowing that their children are okay when they place a child up for adoption. My own birthmother expressed that as well.

If I could say one thing to the pro-choice people, it would be that I am not that demon child or nonentity child either. My birthmother’s reproductive rights over me ended once I was adopted. Her reproductive rights also ended the day I became an adult whether the law recognizes the age of 18 or 21. Do you realize that the abortion laws being started right now especially in South Dakota are trying to get women’s health records opened to the public for scrutiny? Open adoption records don’t even do that. Those records when opened are just exposed to the adopted child or the birthparent. My birthmother and I do not need protection from each other for the rest of our adult lives. I seek the truth of my life. We need each other to heal the wounds placed in our hearts due to adoption. Adoption in itself is not a bad thing. Most birthparents would agree to that one. Adoption can fill many hearts with love and joy but only if it is done in honesty and truth. The only people who should be winning in this situation are the families, not the agencies or others involved in it.

Our country needs to put some serious thought into the words of family values. So many times, family values include attacks on basic human rights. Family values include making sure the family sticks together. It is not ripped apart by outside forces especially by those who think they know better for the family. We should provide counseling, financial help if need be, guidance to the parents to make the best choices possible. It is not okay to tear a family apart because they have different views than us.

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