Archive for March, 2006


March 29, 2006

SEARCH, SEARCH, AND SEARCH AGAIN. I have had just about all I can take from it all. Last night I felt like vomiting really vomiting. I actually went to bed early last night. My husband thought I was sick. He wanted to go to the doctor’s office. He was so shocked. A friend from work wanted to walk me through my emotions. I just started crying. It hurts knowing that I am someone’s dirty little secret.

I have I can be found at the site at least twice a day. I am constantly comparing it to things that I know or hope to be true. I think that most of the stuff in my adoption file is truth. I do have to wonder about the stuff that my bmom said to Katrina.

I have gotten tons of emails over the last week. I still feel the same things. That birthparents and adoptees owe each other one phone call. We owe each other truth and honesty. I think that closed adoption records should forever be abolished. The only exception in that is that if the adoptee is a minor. This search stuff belongs in the adult world. It takes an incredibly strong person to persevere in this mess. Again it is nothing against my own adoption search specialist. She was fantastic but all parties involved would have been better served if it had come from me or her. I also believe that the government needs to stay out of a person’s sex and personal life. I am so sick of other groups shoving their moral agenda down my throat.

As far as search angels go, I have two of them. I am hoping one in particular will be reading this in the near future. She is from Bloomington, Indiana. She has also become a fast friend. God knows that she and a New Yorker friend have been real blessings to me along with the rest of the Adoption Triad crew. CUB and the rest of the other groups are in there too. They usually verify information that I have gotten via I am probably going to have to order another month of it just to get through all the information and names to figure this stuff out. If there is two things that I can recommend, One would be get and join the many adoptee and birthparent groups out there.

Another thing is that we all as a triad need to stop attacking each side in this. We are all an extended family. I do know that families fight but we need to show a united front in the legislation that is being passed. We also need to get as much support of groups like the Planned Parenthood, ACLU, and others that have involved themselves in our arguments for our rights. We are not demons or gods but humans just the same and as such deserve human rights afforded to all. You may not be for open adoption records but your child deserves to know the truth of his/her life. That goes for both adoptive parents and birthparents. Adoptees, you may not want to search, but your birthparents deserve to know that you are okay and alive. The world doesn’t need to know the secrets we possess but we need to tell them to our families. We need to heal the wound that is in our hearts.

Amy Burt aka Michelin
daughter to Anne, Marilyn, Fed Ex dad, Dentist, and a truckdriver dad
sister to two brothers and four sisters
niece to many aunts and uncles
mother to two wonderful daughters
wife to one great cowboy
No longer wishing to be someone’s dirty little secret



March 21, 2006

I got a reminder that it is time to begin searching full time again. That life is too short. I found out today that my first adoptive father has “Mantel B Cell Lymphocytic Lymphoma. They think it is under control but this disease is one of the wild cards. It is a form of Leukemia that tends to come back with a vengence. To be honest I am not looking forward to it both the disease or the searching. The searching is hard work and very time consuming. I do have which helps. I also contacted Catrina and Ron (the union guy that was part of the rubber/plastics unions back in the day). I am searching for tire plants that were in operation during 1965 specifically Michelin ones. Michelin is my birth name. I swear I smack my bmom for that one alone. She named me after a tire company.

I wish my bmom knew that life was too short to lose someone you love. I have suffered loss in recent years that made me search. I don’t think that I was ever prepared totally for the rough ride that I have been on. After speaking with my first adoptive father, he even said that this denial of OBC’s was a form of slavery. It is the only group of people that are expected to honor a contract for the rest of their lives. It is the only group of people that weren’t allowed to make the choice for themselves because they were minors at the time of the agreement. There isn’t a race in the world that would tolerate this kind of treatment. As far as the sexes goes, we are rapidly going back to that kind of treatment. I know that the only thing that I can do is write the legislature of my state. I still can’t do much about the state that I was born in.

Just a few thoughts just for today


March 20, 2006

Well the rain has slowed down. It should clear out by tomorrow. Hopefully that will be true. We had over three inches of rain here. Makes for sloppy driving. It takes me forty five minutes to drive to my car which is parked five miles away. Red dirty country roads are hell to drive on. I guess it is similiar to the triad stuff.

Its a rocky road for all of us. Most call it a roller coaster ride. I have not been searching as avidly as I have in the past. I know that I need to but life is sometimes in the way. I do have two children and a husband to care for plus all the other little creatures that make life more fun. I know that next week it will be time for me to return a few phone calls because the party I am calling has been busy as well as I have been. I had hoped by now that she would have changed her mind about talking to me. I guess not. Its time for me to take action again. I need to get moving and start putting this little road trip behind me. I will forever be an open records advocate. I will always be an adoption reform advocate. I will also always be a women’s right advocate. All I have to do is read my emails, look at my own daughters, read what other bloggers say, look at the patients in the mental hospital that I work at and know that this is a mission for me.

In current news, there is a senator from Louisiana that is proposing a national Putative father registry. I do believe that this should be mandatory. It holds men accountable for having sex. Women for years have been the ones that bore the brunt of it. We have bore that shame, fear, and pain alone. We have had all the responsibility where men have just walked away. We alone have been the ones to make the decision on what is best for us and our children. I met a woman today that was on birth control at the time of her pregnancy. She was considering adoption through the Gladney agency but her boyfriend at the time raised holy hell about it. They ended up getting married and keeping the child. Now where that child is right now I don’t know. I believe that women should be given choice. A choice of adoption, abortion, and raising her own child. Its not a decision that for the most part is entered into lightly. I think this is the norm for most women. What the news media gets is the extreme versions of stories. That is what they portray on television. We all need to remember that. I also don’t believe that fifty percent of women have had an abortion. I know from my many friends that this is simply not the case. I think maybe there is one maybe two. Since I know these women on a personal level, it was not a decision that was entered into fool heartedly. Fifty percent have used family planning clinics for other health reasons. That is one that I do believe.

Whatever a woman’s decision is, its her decision not the government’s, not the family planning clinic’s, not her family’s, nor her church’s. Every option has pain to it. There is no ifs ands or buts about it. Its still comes down to her decision.

If it weren’t for birthparents, there would be no adoptive children. So those that call us adoption haters remember that. Like I have said repeatedly, we don’t want everyone in the triad getting screwed over. Adoptive families should not have to go bankrupt in order to have a child. Birthparents should not have to go through horrid amounts of pain and grief over their lost children. Adoptees across the country deserve to know their truth in all of this. It is not a choice but an obligation on all parties involved. It is a necessity and a right. Adoptees spend a good chunk of change just trying to get a little of bit of information. Adoptive parents spend a huge chunk of change to adopt us. WE should not be charged more money to find our truth. It is owed to us all in the triad. The adoption agencies and our government owe us that much. We adoptees as adults should be given that information. As adults, we have control over own individual lives yet that part of our lives is still controlled by those “who know better.” GIVE ME A BREAK.


March 18, 2006

We got a inch of rain over the night and yesterday. We really needed it. We have had too many fires over the last few months. Its not a good site to wake up and see a raging fire in the horizon. It is rather scary. The weather has got the horses feeling rather spry today. They are outside playing chase with each other. It is rather happy and peaceful to watch them chase each other. It takes my mind off the hate in this world but I know I must get back to it.

One of the comments left on yesterday’s comments asked if I was retarded. Actually no I am not. I have read, researched and studied the information. Have you? Have you looked at all the information that is out there? Have you spoken with all sides of the triad? From your comment I don’t think so or else you would not asked that question. I am not afraid to take stupid people on. I am willing to educate you so that you will understand what adoptees, birthparents, and adoptive parents have to face. If you read my entire blog and many others, you will see exactly what I am talking about. We are 12,000,000 strong. That is a lot to answer to. There is way too many opportunities for corrupt people to take advantage of those in the triad. Adoption agencies such as the Gladney foundation would like to corrupt and hurt all involved in the triad. They want to rob you of your house, your credit, your retirement, and your basic livelihood just so you could have a child. These very same people want to steal a baby from a woman who is poor. In fact this has been studied in the Alan Guttmacher research sites. I have read many of their research studies. If I have so can many other people. If a woman is poor, they push it down a woman’s throat. That was simply stated in those reports. In fact it was a concern among most family planning clinics. They prey on a woman’s desire to have a child to get more money. Again if I can find this information, so can many other people. In fact several other bloggers have found this and reported on it just as I have.

Our society doesn’t believe in true family values. We need to get back to them. We need to promote keeping families together. Adoption should be regulated to where no one gets hurt and scarred. All the parties involved should be happy with the results. No one should be hurt. There should be no secrets in adoption. Everyone should know and acknowledge their truth. That way everyone heals and grows as a result. No adoptee should be restricted in knowing their truth. If every non adopted person in this country has their identity known within their family tree, so should an adoptee. Birthparents also should know their family tree to include their adopted children.


March 18, 2006

Okay where the hell did this come from? I would really like to know. My friends and I are adoption haters. I really like that one. I spent today reading about how many members of our triad are being attacked on all fronts now. All most of us want is adoption reform. As I have said before, the horses and the cattle on this ranch have more papers than I do. They all have their own history that is recorded on paper. Even the socalled “doofuses” writing this kind of spew have their own papers.

We are all bitter and into pity parties. No WE ARE NOT. We want the country to know what the hell is going on. We want the world to know that women and children are being bought and sold. Not even animals are treated that way. PETA stands up for animal’s rights. I don’t agree with their politics but they get their point across. We for the most part are not a radical group of people. We just want equal rights and treatment that are afforded to normal people. What really concerns me is that women from all aspects of my life will be put into hazardous situations. I might not like all the women on this ranch but I will stand up and fight for their rights. I might not like many people but I will stand up for their rights. Because I live on a ranch, many people consider us poor. I worry that one of the women on this ranch will be faced with some horrific person trying to force adoption down her throat because she is considered poor.

Its because of people with this kind of attitude that many birthparents still are feeling shame. My birthmother lives in one of the most backwards states in our country. I know every time she thinks of me that she is reminded of her shame, her pain and her humiliation. How can I ever hope that she will break free of this and communicate with me? Especially when we have people out there calling adoptees, birthparents, and progressive adoptive parents adoption haters. To me you are calling out me, my family both birth and adoptive, and my friends. To me you are calling my mothers dirty names. You better watch it. I don’t like that one little bit. All mothers, birth and adoptive, deserve love and respect. It sounds like you don’t respect women and children in your life. Read what we have to say. We may not like adoption all of the time but we do believe that it serves a purpose. We just want it regulated to protect the rights of all involved especially the children. WE JUST WANT TO BE HEARD AND RECOGNIZED. THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY WRONGS IN ADOPTION THAT NEED TO BE RIGHTED.


March 17, 2006

Well north Texas is finally getting some rain. What is even better is that I am off today so I don’t have to be driving in it. I live down about five miles of red dirt country roads. It gets awlfully muddly out here with just a little bit of rain. Tomorrow will be really messy but I am okay with it. I have a truck that will get me out of here if need be.

Yesterday I was pretty angry. I had been stabbed in the back by a coworker. He did it to throw the supervisor off the heat that he was receiving for a mistake that he made. Being an adoptee, I point blank I hate lies. Being an adoptee, I am a total control freak at times. Two of the people that I dealt with yesterday were fortunately up front type of people. They withstood my heat round that I shot at both of them. I wish that I could praise them openly but this forum doesn’t really allow me to but I know that one of them reads my blog regularly so he will read it and smile (I hope). Two other people reminded me to humble, grateful, and let go of the anger and resentment of the treatment that I received. One is a fellow blogger and the other is actually a mental health patient. Again I wish I could announce that patient’s name but again I can’t because I would be violating his right to privacy.

I can say a few good things about that person. When I first met this person, we butted heads. I thought he was doing something and I called him on it. It was probably my mistake and misunderstanding. What I do appreciate though is that he gave me a second chance. Many of these patients have been dealt some harsh blows some of which they incurred and others life’s many misfortune. So these people don’t give too many second chances to anyone. Well while the staff is having its little fits, he has helped me calm down a couple of patients that were arguing. Here I am a new person working on the floor of mental patients and the staff is more mental than the patients at time. I had been warned about that one when I started. I was also warned that the patients have their favorites and will stand by them. I also believe that it is important to be fair and equal to the patients. If I feel that they are not being justly treated I will stand up and say something but I would do that for anyone. I may hate someone but if they are being treated unjust I stand up. I digress. Well this patient told me that I was a good, kind, and compassionate person and that God will reward me. I guess I needed to hear it. I tend to beat myself no matter what the situation.

The fellow blogger is a birthmother. I love reading her stuff and will comment on it regularly if I can. I was actually talking to one of the fellow coworkers mentioned previously online. I think that he and I are the only two that do that. Its fun and helps me relax. I also know that he supports me and reads my blog regularly. He took a break and I was reading her stuff and her links. She too brought up that we need to be gentle to ourselves. She is right you know. Especially those in the triad. We need to be gentle to ourselves no matter what our title. The adoptees in the triad need to be kind to themselves. We beat ourselves up when we don’t get what we want or need. Its like its our fault that our families gave us up. We as adults keep trying to prove we are worthy of the love that was lost. Birthmothers seemed to do the same. I see it in my adoptive mother. She questions herself as a mother. I wish that she wouldn’t because this search that I am doing is not a reflection on her or my birthmother. Its a quest to answer who I am as a human. She is finally getting it. I knew that she would. I have always had faith in her. I knew that she was a strong woman. Like I have said many times before, she supports my birthmother and has a great faith in her. Its funny as an adoptee that I just don’t have that kind of faith. One thing I do know Mom is usually right.



March 14, 2006

Well my work schedule will finally normalize. I just have to turn in copies of my mental health worker certification. Then I am a full fledged mental health worker. I just have to make my probation. Time will tell on that one.

As I do with any extra time off, I read as much as I can on the internet especially on the topic of adoptions. So much I see is about the hostile environment between the child and parent. For the most part, don’t assume that there is one. There is also an assumed hostile environment between birthmothers and adoptive mothers. Please also disregard that one. It is just about insecurity. Most adoptive parents feel that their adopted children are their children. I know that because that is how my own mother feels. I am her daughter. I will always be her daughter but I also have another mother out there though. She too deserves my love and respect. My heart is big enough to love everyone on all the sides of my triad. Adoptees don’t hate their parents on either side. Not even I do. I have certainly earned that right since I am an “accident of biology.” I just can’t feel that way. Now I will admit when I do find that the white gloves are off. I think everyone in the triad owes everyone total honesty. There can be no other way. All must be admitted, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have to wonder if my own birthmother knows that I have heard the ugly side of her story. I wonder if she knows how much of the ugly side of life that I have seen. I am talking about what humanity does to humanity. I am talking about what I do for a living right now. For instance, a mental ill woman is raped and forced to have a child who is then raped by his uncle for four years before it was discovered. This was from 8 months of age until the child was 4 years of age. I am also talking about the effects of a war. I have done that one too. I am also talking the stories that I read daily on children being maimed, raped, molested, beaten and abused. It also happens on both sides of the issue, natural and adoptive. Neither story is worse than the other. We owe it to each other to be compassionate.

A woman is not wrong for wanting to wait to have children. I had to wait. I was not ready to have children when I was in my twenties. My own mother will tell you that one. I wasn’t ready to get married until I was thirty. I was very immature and still am at times. No one can tell a person when they are ready to have children. After my own birthmother had me, she waited a very long time to have my brothers. It also took a very long time to get over the relationship that created me and the loss of me. She states that very matter of factly.

We as women and children need to join together. It is time that we stop attacking each other for what ever our stories are. They are our stories and they don’t need to be judged. The laws that are coming into play right now affect our lives. They are forcing women and children to a form of bondage. There are laws that force women to humiliate themselves over and over. Placing an ad in a newspaper if they can’t find the birthfather describing the date, time, and place of conception. Other laws force opening a woman’s medical record to viewed by both the courts and the public. There are people out there taking photos of patients and staff members of a clinic in South Dakota to be placed on the internet for others to judge. They are even taking photos of their cars and license plate numbers. To me that is a form of stalking. If they are doing this now, what will happen when they have access to the medical records? Every female from the age of birth to the age of 150 will have their medical records examined. Soon women and children will fear going to the doctor at all because they don’t want their information put out into public venues. Those records will be used against them. If they are going through a particular rough spell in their lives, they go to the doctor for help. Those records will show them to be incapable of caring for their lives. If they go to get reproductive services, not necessarily abortion, they will be held to the court of public judgement. If a young girl needs birth control to help her control her menstrual cycle, she will judged and labeled a slut without ever having sex. Here I am having had my tubes tied. How badly will I be judged? I feel that two children is enough. I feel that is all that I can afford to take care of. What will be said about me and the others out there? Why are women and children the scourge of the country? That is how the right wingers portray us. They want women to have as many children as possible. Yet we cannot afford to care for the children out there. We have over 520,000 in the foster care system. They won’t regulate the adoption system. Women and children suffer at the hands that are very unscrupulous. People who support closed records support those illegal activities. They support demoralizing women and children. They support taking advantage of birthmothers, adoptive parents, and the children that are in these situations. They must support abortion because many birthmothers would not ever go through another closed adoption. What happened to the land of the free? Or is the land of the rich and powerful more of an accurate statement. It sure seems like it to me. It has been proven time and time again that women and children suffer the most.

Lets change the laws. We must allow protections for all not just the rich and powerful. Promote true family values. Please let your legislative branches know that this type of situation is unacceptable to you.


March 13, 2006

Today I was off work. I got to read a great deal on the internet. A friend found an article that appalled me. I also got a few more emails on the Catholic Charities. Its funny in that its not the board members that are ending their adoption program but the Catholic Bishops themselves. The Governor of Massachusetts stated its a shame that we put the rights of the adults over the rights of the child. Well the Catholic Bishops are the ones that won’t control their priests’ pedophilia but they want to control gays as parents. For the most part, gays aren’t interested in raping and children like their priests. Most gay people are normal human beings. Most are just as angry as heterosexuals are at the child molesters and the pedophiles. Most are not perverted like those Catholic Priests. They just have a different preference. Otherwise they are just like you and me. I support their rights as I do my own.

This article really ticked me off. The address is this: It was enough to send me flying off the roof again. There are people out there that are now taking photos of women entering the clinic in South Dakota. They are also taking pictures of their license plates. They are taking these and putting them on the internet for the world to see and know. Trust me these fools will do it to women’s medical records once a doctor is being prosecuted. Private information about all of his/her patients will be out there to be judge harshly. Its about punishing women and children. I went to a few other blogs today and read a man’s thoughts on Tennessee’s new law about women having to go to the man that impregnated her and getting his consent basically for her to have an abortion. He says that it levels the playing field against women. Oh give me a break. Considering most men are not concerned with doing anything with a woman and a baby. Most men are concerned with not having to pay child support. In fact there is a case in New York where a man is suing over paying child support because he didn’t want a child. I am not saying every man is like that. Lord knows, my own birthfather fought a losing battle with my birthmother. My adoptive father stood up and helped my mother out and took on three kids. My husband is all about his daughters. Many male friends have also stepped up to the plate with their own children. I also believe in fighting for their rights. I am discovering that they are the minor rather than the majority.

I do believe a man has no sovereignty over a woman’s body. I do believe all are responsible once a child is born. That includes grandparents on both sides. They have a moral obligation to be supportive of the choice their children make. I do believe that adoption records should be closed until the child is an adult. Then everyone is responsible for telling the truth no matter how good or how bad.


March 12, 2006

I get lots of emails from many people involved in the triad. I got one this morning that just stunned me. Someone was looking for their birthfamily. From my own understanding, Florida is one of those states where there was a great deal of lying in records. People who knew better than us lied on legal documents to cover their tracks. This one particular person had his/her documents so mixed up that it looks like she can’t even begin to find out any information let alone non identifying information. That is just appalling.

It is also a shame that one of the organizations that has tried to keep things honest is shutting its doors in Boston. Here we have organizations that are trying to keep the lies secret. Groups like Planned Parenthood, Pat Robertson, President Bush, the National Council for Adoption, ACLU, and others are trying to keep the secrets as they are. Open Records don’t cause more abortions. Open records force the secrets out in the open where the wounds that they caused are allowed to heal. We aren’t the demon child and we aren’t the Godly child. We are all human children who deserve answers. We aren’t property of our adoptive parents or of the state. I am an adult adoptee who has accomplished many things. I am a wife, mother, sister, daughter, veteran, letter carrier, and mental health worker. I am many things to many people in my life. I want to be found again by my birthfamily. I want to acknowledged by my birthfamily. I don’t want to be someone’s dirty little secret for the rest of my life. I deserve the freedom to know who I am even if it is not a pleasant one. Every non adoptive child knows their history. Why can’t we know our own backgrounds?


March 11, 2006

I am going to present several thoughts today. I have received several emails over the last several days that I want to mention my thoughts on. The first was about a man suing over his rights not to have to pay child support. God that one is absolutely ghastly. I can only imagine what that child thinks of his father after that child becomes an adult. This man is totally selfish. He believes the woman has the total choice. She can choose adoption, abortion, and raising the child on her own. He says he made it totally clear that he wanted no children. My question to him is why did you have sex then? You know this is a possibility every time you have sex. Get a vasectomy then if you don’t want children. Maybe a law should be enacted regulating a man’s genatalia. If you don’t want children, go have your tubes tied. We all know that kind of law will never be placed in the books. Again I don’t hate men just men like these. My husband takes full responsibility over his children. Too bad most men are not like him or many of my male friends and birth father.

Massachusetts has an open records bill on its books. It went through committee full speed ahead. Many expected it to pass without any problems. Well there is one senator that has put it on hold. Check out the results of it on the blog of a fellow triad member: She usually reports on current open records legislation going on in various states. This particular senator wants to regulate the time frame in which adoptees can receive their OBC. In other words, the only adoptees that can receive their OBCs from the date that the law has been enacted. She must be protecting the one lone “birthmother ” who doesn’t want contact. They always come up with the one birthmother that should make the receipt of OBCs wrong and illegal.

Another email was about a story where again the father’s rights were totally ignored. The birthmother failed to notify the birthfather that there was now a child involved. I honestly believe adoption means total honesty on all parts. There is no regulation at all. In abortion, there are laws that require that parents be told of their child’s pregnancy. There are new bills that are requiring a woman to tell the man of her intention to abort the child. Some even go as far as request his permission. In adoption, there is no regulation what so ever, thus allowing the corruption in adoption. There is no real notification of birth fathers. There is no parental consent of a child’s pregnancy. Parents as minors have more rights than birthfathers. How are these two items different? It involves the minor no matter what. If a grandparent wants to adopt the baby, they don’t even have any rights. As a parent, I want to know if one of my daughters is pregnant. I want her to know that she has the backup of both parents to help her make the decision whatever it should be.

Now we hear that the Catholic Charities in Boston are now backing out of the adoption business. Considering the Catholic Church’s position on pedophile priests and gay adoption, is it any wonder that they are getting out of this business? I know my adoption was done through a Catholic Charity group. They do believe that all parties involved in the search/reunion should give their consent. For the most part they do good work with adoption. They do their best to keep it honest. This was even mentioned in the blog, Pam’s House Blend. I should mention here in quickness that even Pam’s House Blend is going to be writing a post concerning our rights. I have forwarded many emails that I have received from the Concerned United Birthparents to her. She says that she wants to do the story right. I even forwarded the letter that I received from Planned Parenthood to her. So all triad members keep your eyes open on Pam’s House Blend. I hope the story will be a good one.

As far as my search goes, I am going back to being slow and methodical on it. Expanding it again and moving slowly in. If you are searching, try using and other similiar search engines. You can find an amazing amount of information on those sites. I have been also helping others as much as my life will allow.

As adoptees go, I believe in open records after the adopted child becomes an adult. I believe that birthparents and adoptees each owe each other at least one phone call. They owe it to each other to speak to one another. If just to answer each others questions. I believe that we need to regulate adoption. It should not be about the dollar. It should be about the child. We need to become a true family friendly country. That is where our resources need to be. Family should be promoted at all costs. I look at my patients and know that many have suffered greatly at the hands of others who think that they know better than them. We need to find ways to emotionally, mentally, and financially support women and children. Our country needs to quit demonizing, demoralizing, and treating women as the ultimate sinners of our country. I don’t want politicians placing their ideologies on me, family, friends, and enemies. We need to allow everyone the room to grow and become valuable members of our society even if we disagree with their ideas. That is what our country was founded on.